So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
