If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
