I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Shame is for Republicans.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
