I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
