How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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