i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
