She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
