So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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