Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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