so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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