saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize