I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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