i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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