I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
