I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
