Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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