I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
