who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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