She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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