all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
