Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize