I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
