alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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