Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
