All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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