she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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