...so i touched it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
