He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
