My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
