oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't deserve a penis
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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