morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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