i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
