i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
