Betty ford says i'm here all night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
