I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
