i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
