the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
