Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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