There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
where are my eyebrows?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
