Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we're making bets on your personal life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
