Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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