Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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