This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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