she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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