Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
