Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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