At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
