she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
