my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I smell like Dick and happiness
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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