i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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