Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
