And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
