Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
