I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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