did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
