The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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