i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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