So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
