i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize