just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
