The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize