Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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