Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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