I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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