Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
