does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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