the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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