I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
tell me about the eggs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
