Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
