from now on my penis is your penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
