No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
