I want to have your abortion
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
