If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
