We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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